ilana alix

Recently, we have been talking in my Sister Circle about over-responsibility. So many of us relate to this pattern. I am not a Psychologist but here is what I have been learning. When we are children and there is chaos, neglect, conflict, addiction, unavailability or abuse, the innate intelligence within us finds a way forward. I have observed that our systems are naturally seeking connection, regulation, pleasure, empowerment. When we can’t find these things, we do what we have to do to survive. As human infants, we need connection with our caregivers in order to survive. They feed us, touch us, keep us warm. Without which, we would die. A simple truth. Our fantastic and clever psyche comes up with ways to navigate when these primary connections are flawed. One thing we do is take too much responsibility. We can absorb the pain of others, we can work really hard to try to fix or rescue, we can endlessly perfect ourselves or our behaviours, or our surroundings. We begin fee...